


i had seen birth and death but had thought they were different

by UnluckiestFridays



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Regeneration, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22777804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnluckiestFridays/pseuds/UnluckiestFridays
Summary: His heart aches at the sight. He wants to go and help her, to wrap her in the biggest hug he's ever given anyone, but he can't. He's useless, stuck behind a screen and destined to just watch helplessly.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	i had seen birth and death but had thought they were different

He can't help her. She's dying out there and he can't do anything to help. He's never felt so useless before in his life, not even when Grace died. 

He wants to look away, of course he does, but he can't. His eyes are practically glued to the screen, watching her crawl painfully in the direction of the TARDIS which stands on the other side of the field. 

Her coat and hands are covered in wet mud as she slowly army crawls through it to try and reach her ship. She's nt getting far, her injuries too grave, but that doesn't stop her from trying. If he's ever looked up to the Doc before, it's nothing in comparison to the sheer admiration he feels now as he watches her on the screen through CCTV footage.

The kids, Ryan and Yaz, are stood just over his shoulders, also watching the screen. He wants to tell them to look away whenever Ryan sniffles, an attempt to stop crying, or when Yaz lets out a quiet sob, but he can't get his voice box to work.

There's no telling how long it's been, how long ago he and the other two were trying to bust down the door to go and help their dying friend. Or how long ago it was that they even stumbled into the room. All he knows is that it's been too long and she's still out there in the remains of what had once been a war, dragging herself to her ship and bleeding out.

Graham's heart stutters when she stops her journey and he thinks she's gone for good, but then his eyes widen marginally when she slowly, strenuously pushes herself up to sit on her knees. She stays that way for a few, long seconds before moving to stand shakily.

She manages it and he lets out the biggest breath of relief, hope returning to him as she takes a step. And then she falls, the second she puts weight on her leg, and lands in the mud again. Tears spring to Graham's eyes and turns away from the screen until Ryan's hand lands on his shoulder.

"She's still goin'," Ryan mutters.

With effort, Graham looks back to the screen and watches through his teary vision as, true to Ryan's words, the Doctor begins her army crawl again, unbothered by the light rain or he wind, or even her injuries, apparently. 

Then, to Graham's disbelief, something happens to her. He blinks away his tears and squints at the screen in confusion as something gold catches his attention. Her hands are glowing with golden mist, the colour encasing both her hands and the mud coating them. He thinks he even sees some of the golden mist poking out from behind her curtain of hair, beginning at her neck.

"What the..." Graham questions to himself.

"No way," Ryan says, "it's the same stuff that was all over her when we first met. When she was unconscious on the sofa. She breathed it out, too."

"Wait, what?" Yaz asks. Her voice is thick with tears, Graham notes sadly.

"Yeah," Ryan nods, "we didn't know what was happenin', but it didn't happen again so we just ignored it. I forgot about till now."

"What do you think it is?" Yaz asks again.

"Dunno. Might be some healin' thing. She is an alien, after all," Ryan shrugs.

Graham turns around, eyes wide, hope rekindled. Then he looks back to the screen, reminding himself to breathe as the golden mist grows bigger and bigger, almost consuming her entirely.

Then she stands again, this time a little more surely and starts to take unsteady steps towards the TARDIS. She's getting there, but it's not fast enough, Graham realises as she once again falls to her knees. 

Neither of them can see her face from where the security camera is positioned, but he can clearly see the way her shoulders begin to shake. His heart aches at the sight. He wants to go and help her, to wrap her in the biggest hug he's ever given anyone, but he can't. He's useless, stuck behind a screen and destined to just _watch_ helplessly. 

The golden light is almost too bright to see anything by the time she stands again a minute later. It's almost too big for it to fit on the screen, some of the wisps of gold detaching themselves from the Doctor and dispersing in the air off-camera.

"What on Earth happenin'?" Graham finds himself asking out loud.

"I have no idea," Ryan admits.

And then, in a turn of events that sends all of them stumbling back from the live footage, the golden light consumes the entire screen as it bursts out from the Doctor. It erupts from her arms, legs, and head, and destroys anything in its path. Rubble is blown away and walls that survived the destruction reigned down upon them are finally torn down by the golden light.

Graham and the kids stare in wide eyed shock and mild horror as the Doctor is seemingly consumed by the light.

None of them can think to say anything, even when some of the light meets the security camera and the feed goes black. 

**Author's Note:**

> I intended to write this from the Doctor's pov, putting into detail how her only goal is to find and save her friends, but i love writing things from graham's pov so that's what i did
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed it anyway, and thank you so much for reading. Kudos or comments are very much appreciated as always x


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